Stephani Gondo here :). this blog is just a space for me to write whatever the hell I want. every bla bla blah i feel like typing. mostly just daily thoughts, activities, and fashion. You'll find most of it very random, what can I say, I'm a very random person. Anyway, happy reading :)
fashion and food is my passion and obsession.
Tuesday, July 30
Welcome to year three.
It has been ages since I last type in Blogger.com. One semester has finished since I last post here and I have to say that time really really flies. It's mid year again and holiday has ended, tomorrow my new semester starts. OMG, it is year 3. YEAR THREE. I can't believe I still feel like a first year student up till now. So, year three means I have one year left in Sydney and one year left to be a "student". People are asking each other "what are you gonna do after this?". I'm pretty sure most of us are still figuring out the answer to that question, and I am one of them.Past passed
So much for thinking about that right now. All I know now is that I don't think I'm ready to go back to uni. Still very on holiday mood and so tired of being a nerd last semester (the outcome is so worth it tho). But I think this semester will be much more relaxing or at least that's how I'll make it be.
Monday, April 1
want and need.
I'm going to start this post with a quote from the Nanny McPhee movie:Past passed
"When you need me but do not want me, then I’ll stay.
When you want me but no longer need me, then I have to go"
Maybe I agree with how Nanny McPhee works. When I am needed in something but I am not wanted, I will stay. But when I am wanted but is not needed, I prefer to go.
The answer to 'why?' is simple. When you are wanted, but not needed, it is better to go. Because when people want something, and they got it, they generally take it for granted after a while. It has a temporary excitement.
Why is it temporary? Simple.
When you want something you do not really need, you will be happy and appreciate it in the beginning. But as time goes by and that thing you wanted has no more use, you will lose the excitement little by little. In simple words, when you are no longer there after a while, they won't notice a major difference. It's like you really aren't a necessity in their life.
However, I will stay when I am needed even if I am not wanted. When you are needed, you have a value in someone's life. When you are needed by someone, it means that when you are not there, they can't function properly. It means that you are a necessary part of their life.
Some people might wonder; why stay when you are not wanted?
Because when you are only wanted, it means that you are only a secondary need in someone's life. While, when you are needed; you are just like food, shelter and clothes; you are a main need.
So it doesn't matter whether you are wanted or not, when you are needed you are unconsciously wanted.
Therefore if you are not a necessity, if it seems like you no longer have value, and seems like it doesn't make much of a difference whether you are around or not, it is better to leave. Because maybe you are just a 'wanted' in the beginning. And time doesn't stop there, it went by and you will be no longer wanted nor needed. Or at least it's how everything will make you feel. The thread that will still hang you is probably the thought of how they are very excited in the beginning, and think they will be again.
So ask yourself; are you needed, or simply wanted? :)
Sunday, March 10
just the way you will be
Heyho, so I'm back in Sydney and right here on my bed just chilling all day with my laptop on this lazy Sunday night. Tomorrow is Monday, but unlike most students and workers I don't hate it cause my Monday class starts at 12. I don't really mind classes as long as it don't interrupt my sleeping time. Anyway my sleeping pattern is so jeopardized now that I always sleep more than 8 hours, whereas I used to sleep only for 6 or 7 hours.Past passed
Anyway, nothing change here. When I was back in Indo there were times I couldn't wait to go back to Sydney, just because I was remembering the past more beautiful than it really was. Turns out Sydney was not as great as I remembered. You always want what you can't have, huh. Back here, everything is on my own. Cook, wash dishes, make bed, etc. Kind of need to adapt to this city again after 3 months back in Indo; I find my english becoming so rusty and me being so lazy to walk.
One more thing, I find myself still in a holiday mood, yes after four months of holiday.
So the reason I wanna blog tonight is... of course some random thing that comes in my mind that urges me to get it out.
'I love you just the way you are'
Somehow this is considered a very sweet line. I know that this kind of sentence is often said in the beginning of a relationship or before a relationship; rumor has it this line is very effective to melt someone.
But what happens after that? What will happen? Things will surely change. People will eventually change through time. Well, they don't change into someone else, they just be more of themselves-- they show their true color, you might say. Loving just they way they are is just in the present. Why not mention the future? Why not I love you just the way you are and you will be?
I was watching Love in Perth just now. It was a typical Indonesian teenage love story. A boy and a girl met and started off annoying each other then eventually fell in love. It was pretty good and I always like a happy ending. I hate that sort of movie where in the end one of the couple died and stuff. Even if it's cliche, I always prefer a cheesy happy ending of a love story.
But then, after I grew older and experience some more... every time I watch a happy ending love story I always ask myself, then what's the continuance? Sure, the guy made a mistake, then they made up and the girl gave him a second chance. The end...? No, that's not an ending. Surely there's gonna come other mistakes or problems. Now, I'm just being random.
The ending of a love story that I really like is when it's told until the couple died. The one in The Notebook where the couple died side by side. Now, that's a very great ending of a love story. It doesn't even need a sad ending to be as great as Titanic love story.
That's pretty much all for the random topic. So tomorrow week 2 starts and I'm not excited cause that means Lab and Tutorial starts. Man, I hate labs. I am so in the wrong course :(
Friday, March 1
holiday is ending, but not the holiday mood.
Wow, here I am... Almost packed to go back to Sydney. Remember when I said I miss Sydney and stuff? All that are gone. Thinking about going back to uni and start work again seems like a lot now. My holiday was too long to make me so lazy, but doesn't feel long enough now that it's almost done.Past passed
Packing was a bit emotional. Just thinking of tonight being the last for me to sleep on my bed, before having to go back to that country that seems so foreign now. Just thinking of not being able to feel so comfy with air conditioner whenever I want it and watch TV till I fell asleep. Waking up the next day thinking which place to go and what to do that day. Where to hang out and stuff.
Now thinking about having to ride the bus and walk places is bothering me. Funny how three months ago I was complaining about the horrible traffic in Jakarta. It was hard to think about having to wake up early for uni or work when I am so used to waking up whenever I want. I used to miss uni and working, but now that it's right in front of me I really really don't want it. That's human I guess? Wanting what we can't have and when we get it, we're not that interested anymore.
It was hard for me to leave the bedroom in Sydney three months ago. But now I can't seems to say goodbye to this room. Oh God, I am so exaggerating-ly unimportant-ly emotional. Saying goodbye is always the hardest thing for me.
Three months ago I complained a lot about stuff in Jakarta on the first day. But I told myself that I should make the most of wherever I'm at. I am so glad that I made the most of this summer holiday. I have had lots of fun this summer and this holiday was perfect.
Jakarta and Bali, friends and family, they made my holiday jolly.
I may be going back to Sydney tomorrow, but whatever happened this summer in Jakarta will always be in mind. Cheers people who made my holiday!
Sunday, January 13
where is 'home'?
Oh look, it's a brand new year already. And guess what, being here in my hometown feels new, too. It was supposed to be familiar here, right? Sydney was supposed to be a foreign country for me. How is it the other way around now.Past passed
I won't lie, I really do miss Sydney. I know that every time I say this, everyone will have a weird look on their face. But what can I say, I do love everything there. Everything is better and more organized. It's funny how I used to hate the crap out of it and couldn't wait till the next holiday. Now every time everyone ask me 'how was it there?' all I can think about is the amazingness of Sydney.
Yes, it is very fun here, too. But different kind of fun. And maybe I will miss everything here once I go back to Sydney. But what the hell, then is then. What matters is now I miss Sydney. Not really sure if this is 'homesick', cause it's not really home in Sydney, or is it?
If it's not home, how come all I want is to sleep on my bed in Sydney. Spend days walking around the waterfront areas and beaches and the old buildings in the city and crowded street of the city full of drunk people (which is very disturbing for me) and quiet suburbs, riding on buses, late night supper, walking in the morning with a decent cup of cappuccino in my hand while eating my blueberry muffin or a katsu roll or banana bread or mango coconut bread (all these are my favorite breakfast meal), going down to the supermarket below my flat just to look around or buy things to cook for the next few days, going to work as a barista, making coffees for people and chatting with them, being pissed by rude customer.
I know I'll get sick of all that after a few weeks there. But right now, it's all that I want to do. I wish I can go back and forth between countries anytime I wanted to. I won't have to feel 'homesick' or whatever this feeling is called.
So I wonder, if this is not 'homesick' cause Sydney is not really home, and this hometown doesn't really feel like home. Where is home? Probably both.
Wednesday, December 26
Few weeks ago a friend of mine tweeted "I just saw a couple fighting. They're together, but yet still fighting. Human, can't appreciate happiness". Well, not exactly that, but something like it.Past passed
The first thing that comes to my mind would be:
Finding the right guy/girl is hard enough. No, finding them may be easy. Being together with them may be hard enough for a lot of people. But there are some people who seems like it's very hard to appreciate what they got. Maybe they take it for granted. Sometimes they aren't willing to do little things to make the other one happy. Maybe they do things without considering the other's feeling. There are a lot of other maybes.
These maybes are the example of why people can't appreciate what they have.
It's hard enough to be together with the right one. Why not sacrifice small things and appreciate and value that togetherness. Let get over selfishness and ego. For that's the root of why togetherness becomes a goodbye.
Only when you prioritize someone else's happiness is when you find your own happiness.
Tuesday, December 25
If there is anything I learned in 19 years of living, this is one of it: "Put everything in words".Past passed
I probably can't explain exactly how this four words can fit in almost every conflict I had in the past. How if everything was put in words, those conflicts won't be there in the first place. I do realized, however, that not everyone can put everything in words.
I am reading a book by Dale Carnegie called "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living" and there is a chapter discussing about how if we put the problem into words we are able to solve it easier by analyzing exactly what is bothering us and I think that by putting our problems into words we can -- not only feel relieved -- but also make decisions easier. This words, I think, can be in a form of private diary or even words in real conversation. Be it with close relatives or friends, pouring our heart and mind out to them.
That's just a little about the first one of why Putting Everything in Words is important.
Everyone feels lots of things in one day. Happy, sad, mad, thankful, sorry, etc. Some people are very good at expressing their feeling. But some people just keep it to themselves. These are the people that are not good in putting stuff in words. When we feel sad and mad, there is nothing better than get it out of our system. Put it all out to empty our heart and get over our emotion. Cause a sad and mad feeling overloaded in heart, will turn that person into someone they're really not. If someone kept something bothering them over and over again, it will pile up and change that person little by little into a bitter and negative person. It will all bundle up into a feeling that person can never explain. Been there, done that.
Sometimes you admire someone. Maybe they look handsome/pretty or maybe they are smart or whatever. People put a lot of effort to be like that, admirable. They deserve a compliment. Sometimes a sincere compliment worth a lot and it can boost up their mood and make their effort worth it. It can cheer a person up. How bad can it be, making people happy? Putting our admiration of someone into words can build a better relationship with that person. But the most important thing is sincerely make them happy.
I think that the most important feeling to put into words will be feeling thankful and sorry. Those words: Thank You and Sorry is like a magical word that will make everything better. Speaking from experience, sometimes some people aren't the expert of expressing their thankfulness. They ended up looking like they don't give appreciation in something, while they actually are very thankful. This can create some issue. Some people aren't very good at apologizing. They rarely say sorry or say it like they mean it (maybe cause they feel awkward). But they will end up looking like they don't feeling sorry for something they done wrong. This, too, will create a conflict. I can't tell how many times a simple sincere "thank you" can make my day and make every effort I put into something totally worth it. And how a simple sincere "sorry" can calm my anger until almost none.
I can go into detail of how putting stuff into words can solve problems, but then this will be a long boring post (it kind of already is, maybe).
People who are not good at putting everything into words should try and learn how to. Cause if someone can learn NOT to do something, sure it is easier to learn to DO something. It's a simple thing that can make big differences. Simple, sincere words worth a lot in this world. At least for me. Cause I am not a mind reader, neither am I a psychic that can know what people are feeling inside. So if I didn't hear words or see action, I'd regard that person feeling nothing.
Nonsense? Not really.
Saturday, December 8
in reality, life is no fairytale.
Once upon a time, there live a couple who loves each other. One day, there is a conflict between them and after some time, they finally resolved it. And they live happily ever after.Past passed
That is how fairytales go, with only different 'conflicts' in between once-upon-a-time and live-happily-ever-after.
It is no mystery that life is no fairytale. There is a once upon a time but there will be no happily ever after. In reality, after one conflict is resolved, the other comes along. Things won't be as simple as 'they love each other and that's the only thing that matters'. No, I've seen relationships around me going down even when the couple loves each other very much.
In reality, there are tons of things to consider for a relationship to last. There are spectacles that no fairytales have covered.
Whatever spectacle it may be, it will only do three things: 1. Teaches you a lesson; 2. Tests your love;
When one problem breaks you, it tells you what is not supposed to be done in a relationship and what you should have done.
And sometimes there are things that don't go with your common sense, you are either told to initiate something you don't think is that important to be done; or asked to not do something you wanna do. Those are difficult situations and these are when your love is tested.
If your love is strong enough, you will realized that relationship is not a one way street. It's not always about what you think is right, it's about getting how things are important to someone else even when it does not go with your common sense.
It is not a one way street cause it works both ways. No relationship should have only one side trying and the other one enjoying. It's when both sides are trying the hardest they can; is when a relationship will succeed.
Life is no fairytale, but in a good way:
3. It strengthens your love when you overcome every spectacles.
Monday, November 26
I'm home :)
Okay... so here comes my summer holiday in Indo for three months. This is day one.Past passed
I arrived today at around 3pm, walking out to the typical moist air of Indo. Somehow I realized how I wasn't as pumped as I was when I got back here last summer. Maybe I grew to love Sydney now... But I just realized, too, that I am still in love with my spot in my room... beside the television right under the air conditioner just playing with my laptop :) I just got back from Plaza Indonesia and I gotta say some things really had changed and some things are still there and I'm very hyped to be back there. I wonder why I always have a thing for malls. It made me feel better somehow... Okay I'm still not really here, still jetlag and I know this is almost 4AM in Sydney and I didn't get enough sleep last night so I really need to hit bed now, but somehow I'm not sleepy yet. I know, though, that my body is exhausted. Especially from dragging my luggage all the way in Maroubra sidewalks just to find taxis and buses to the airport. Which I thought that I was really late, but turns out I'm an hour early... ;)
Okay so same old same old, Jakarta is still the same thing and traffic is of course still everywhere. But I still love some part of Jakarta and of course, my room :).
I won't lie though, there's a little part of me that misses Sydney and everything there. If only almost all of my friends weren't in Indo and my parents went to Sydney, I will probably choose to stay there :(.
But what do I know? I am so exhausted I can't even think. I bet that 3 months from now I'll miss Indo more than I wanna go back to Sydney, that's human nature I guess... Anyway, I wish I sleep in this room tonight :(
Friday, November 16
this subchapter is called: doing outside the zone.
I was in a car with friends today. Three of them study different things; aviation, medicine and architecture. Oh and there's my sister who finished her Food Science and Technology degree. They were talking about their study and how much they love, but also struggle in their course. Everything was fine, everyone were just sharing and I was just listening happily until someone said, "Oh, we all study so different stuff!"Past passed
Okay, maybe it's just me. But I realized how I can't really share what I study. What I study, my sister studied. This is it -- this is what I know will happen even before I took the same course as my sister's. I never thought about who's gonna do better or whatever, not at all. I have always been thinking of how I won't have my own story. I can exactly remember what I blogged few years back about how if I'm going to Sydney, I won't have my own story when telling stories to families back in Jakarta as my sister/brother have already told them. I don't really mind actually, it's just... it must be pretty nice to have your own story to tell.
Say I go to Seattle, studying fashion, I can tell stories about what my study is like, what living in Seattle feels like.
Anyway, this happens since I was in kindergarten, I had followed every school my siblings went to. Well, I didn't really have much choice though. But that's just how I roll until uni, how I can't really decide my own degree cause I've always been following them. Thinking it's the "safe" thing to do.
I hated myself for that. But that's not a bad thing after all, and it's in the past (except for the degree that I'm still doing)... At least now I get to grow up and try to do new stuff of my own. And I will try harder to really get out of my comfort zone and really "do" things I've always wanted to do.